Archival Declassification : El Chupachinchillaon February 12, 2009 at 12:58 am
For Immediate Release
Approved by J. H. Shepard
Similar to El Pollo Diablo and the direct relative, El Chupacabra, El Chupachinchilla is a smallish hybrid creature. It is believed that Chupachinchillas are the product of a Kobold and large house cats mating.
The El Chupachinchilla is known for stalking its favorite prey – the chinchilla. Much like cats and catnip or lemurs and centipedes. El Chupachinchilla’s are drawn to the euphoric effects of consuming chinchilla blood. Strangely, the effects don’t occur in humans or any other creatures. Chinchillas are often made to be pets or even used for their pelts. Only El Chupachincillas seem to feel the cripplingly addictive euphoria.
An El ChupaChinchilla once made its way inside a holding facility for Petco. The Chinchilla Massacre of San Diego never made the news thanks to a few calls to the I.C.A.
El Chupachinchillas have soft and dense fur. The tail is usually bobbed – though speculation that they are born with tails, but that they are chewed off at a young age. Their coats are usually soft and dense with short coarse hairs. Males often have horns, similar in shape and structure to a ram. However, lab studies are still cofounded as to why the horns manifest only in males. The theory is they are used for dominance and territory disputes.
Their average life expectancy is eight to ten years, and their average bodyweight is about 30lbs, with the females being slightly smaller.
El Chupachinchillas are generally nocturnal and prefer a quiet environment during the day, although some individuals can be active in the daytime. In general they are very shy, jumpy and reluctant to sit still for long.
When cornered they are known to be vicious, and often very bitey. Their bites are similar to a komodo dragon in that they have a lot of bad bacteria in their mouth – it can be very very dangerous if not treated.
Encountering an El Chupachinchilla while under the effects of the euphoria of chinchilla blood is also dangerous. The effects on El Chupachinchilla have yet to be declassified. The rumor is that they grow in size and become almost rabid – however in lab studies many just seem to laze about and get hungry.
Range and Habitat
El Chupachinchillas are non-burrowing animals that live in solitary in rock crevices, dungeons, dank sewers, or burrows at typically high. While they are adapted to a mountainous terrain thanks to thick kobold-like fur, they are also well suited for urban and rural regions – often seeking out areas were they can get easy access to a chinchilla supply – particularly major chain pet stores.